Wasted Days And Wasted Nights

How does one define a wasted day? 

I think every day has something to offer.  Something to learn--a way to grow. But yesterday I actually think I wasted my day.  After making two trips to the grocery store, I ended up on the couch, where I stayed until I went to bed around 10:00.  I dozed in and out, and I can't really even say I watch television. It was on, but I was only staring at it, not really watching. I reminded myself of one of my elderly cats, who goes in and out of consciousness with no purpose, or anything to do. I'm not sure that I solved any life mysteries or dilemmas while i lay there.  Im not sure i accomplished anything!

So today I need to make up for my wasted Saturday.  Today I will make some things happen.  Today I will visit with Scarlet.  I will visit with my mother in law, Cher. Today I will live my life. No more wasted days.

Codependent, After All These Years

Sometimes I get so frustrated with life. 

I want to be the one in control. I want to call the shots. But dammit, life just doesn't work that way. 

You keep drinking. 

You won't help yourself. 

You need to make better grades. 

You need to push yourself...just a little!

You're making a big mistake. 

I am a codependent person. I want other people to do what I think is best for them. I think if they do what I say, I will be happy. But these arent my decisions to make. And my happiness can't hinge on the behavior of others. It just can't. 

I'm very tired now, and I just want to go to sleep. 

May 50

As I mentioned the other day, there were two 50th birthdays this month. My friend Mark also hit the milestone in May. 

Always like a brother to me, Mark tried to talk me out of every unhealthy relationship I ever got myself in to. I never listened. 

Mark doesn't seem too phased by the birthday. He says 50 is just a number.  To celebrate, there was a small dinner party, and some cocktails. Attendees included other 50s, who joked around about the big birthday, but seem to agree with Mark, you're as young as you feel.  

Why Do You Have A Flower On Your Toe?

The other day I noticed how incredibly cute a friend of mine looked. She was smiling, and she had cute sandals, an ankle bracelet, a toe ring, and a fresh pedicure. Bright red polish. And one big toenail was painted with a cute white flower. I commented on how nice she looked, and how I loved the flower. Her response shocked me a little. She said her sister took one look at her toes and said "Why did you get that flower?".

I don't really know why that bothered me, but it did. A lot.

The older I get, the more I do not want to wear beige. I do not want to blend in with the rest of the old people and their neutral, invisible, practical clothes and shoes. I say get a flower painted on your damn toe! Get a tattoo! Be alive! Let the world know who you are. Celebrate life!

Friends

Someone made the comment to me today that friends are never really your friends, and the only people you can really ever count on are your family.

To that I say, I am really, really blessed, because I have a circle of strong women and men that have supported me through thick and thin. Through good times and bad. Through heart aches and heart breaks, the loss of my mother, and even financial woes. I've cried to them, they sometimes cry to me.

I'm very happy that I can trust my friends. And I'm so blessed to have them.

May 50

Aside from a sweet local newscaster, there wasn't a noteworthy 50th birthday in April. Not in my circle of friends, anyway. But to make up for it, there are two in May.

The first occurs mid month, when my friend Old Beth celebrates her milestone birthday.

For the record, I don't call her Old Beth because she's old. I call her that because I have two good friends named Beth, and one day, years ago, when I mentioned "Beth" was coming for a visit, my son said "Which Beth?" I realized I didn't think my kids actually knew the last name of either of them, so I had to think of some way to distinguish them. At the time they'd only met my work friend Beth on a couple of occasions, but had known the other one their entire lives, so I said "OLD Beth". It stuck.

I first met Old Beth in the 4th grade but we didn't get tight until middle school. She still looks like a kid. She's cute, small, and feisty.

I haven't talked to her a lot about her feelings on turning 50. After surviving a horrific car crash in the early 80's, I would say she's just glad to be alive.

I know she's not where she thought she would be in life right now. A lot of us aren't. But she's beautiful, she's funny, and she is so very blessed.

I hope and pray she will see that and will make the most of what life has to offer. I feel like there's a lot more to come for Old Beth!!

This Week

Life is always changing, isn't it?

For so many of my friends, life is happening--ready or not.

New, exciting romance.
Heartbreak.
Aging parents.
Care giving.
Death.
Worry.
Fear.
Injustices.
Cancer.
Victories.
Things that come too late.
Bittersweet.
Love.
Hope.
Happiness.
Well wishes.
Trust.....Faith.